Sometimes situations arise in the workplace where it is necessary to raise a difficult issue. Whether it is a misunderstanding, a conflict or a grievance in the workplace, it is important to be able to deal with these situations constructively. In this article, I share practical advice and tips on how to have a difficult conversation in the workplace. The article is based on research and general sources, as well as on my long experience both as a manager and as a developer of a workplace community. 

You should also check out my second article, where I go through tips on how to talk about a difficult issue.

1. Why are difficult conversations important?

Talking about difficult issues in the workplace is key to a well-functioning workplace. By daring to talk openly about difficult topics, you can prevent misunderstandings, improve teamwork, increase wellbeing and build trust.

Avoiding misunderstandings

Misunderstandings will inevitably arise from time to time, and these can lead to conflict. Open discussion helps to clarify ambiguous situations and ensure that everyone is on the same page. The Harvard Business Review stresses that effective communication prevents conflict and keeps the working atmosphere good.

• Clarity and understanding: open discussion allows for clarification of ambiguous situations and ensures that all parties understand each other correctly. This prevents small problems from growing into bigger ones.
• Example: if there is confusion about roles in a team, an open discussion can help to clearly define responsibilities and avoid confusion in the future.

Building trust

When teams tend to discuss openly, cooperation improves and relationships are strengthened. According to Gallup research, teams with high levels of trust and openness are more productive. When everyone can voice their thoughts and concerns, team spirit is strengthened and innovation increases.

• Honesty and empathy: Be honest and open in conversations, and show empathy by actively listening to the other party. This builds trust within the team and improves the workplace atmosphere.
• Example: when a team member is open about the challenges he or she faces and receives support from others, it strengthens mutual trust and improves team spirit.

Improving cooperation

trust is the basis for all cooperation. When you raise issues boldly, it shows a commitment to honest and open communication. Trust Edge research shows that employees stay longer and are more productive in an environment of trust.

• Collaborate on trust: a climate of trust fosters cooperation and helps teams to work more effectively. Employees who can trust that their views will be taken into account are more willing to share ideas and solve problems together.
• Example: a team that regularly reviews feedback and suggestions for improvement together typically develops new, more effective ways of working.

Improving well-being at work

Talking about difficult issues also promotes well-being at work. When everyone can express their feelings and needs, the workplace becomes a safe and supportive environment. Brené Brown's research shows that acceptance of vulnerability is the key to meaningful relationships and an effective work community.

• A sense of security: in a workplace where employees feel safe to express their feelings and concerns, there is less stress and anxiety. This contributes to overall well-being at work and reduces problems and costs associated with ill health.
• Example: if the employee feels able to openly express his or her concerns about the workload, the manager can make the necessary changes before the situation leads to burnout.

Difficult conversations are very important in work communities, and having them is key to smooth communication and a well-functioning work community. 

 

2. Finding consensus: listen and discuss

If you want to raise a difficult issue and start a discussion, there is a separate article on our website. Here, I go through how to continue the conversation after the first time you raise the issue. 

Dealing with a difficult issue in the workplace is not just about sharing your point of view, but also about listening to others and seeking common understanding. Active listening and open discussion help to create an atmosphere where both sides are taken into account. This increases the chances of positive solutions.

Listen actively

Active listening means listening carefully to what the other person has to say, without interruptions, and also expressing understanding of what the other person is saying. It shows respect and a willingness to understand the other person's point of view.

• What to do: when the other person is talking, concentrate on listening without interruptions. Avoid immediately offering your own solutions. Listen carefully and try to understand what the other person is saying. You can show that you are listening, for example by nodding or saying "I understand" or "tell me more" or by explaining what you heard, e.g. "it seems to you that I have not put any effort into this". You can confirm that you understand the other person's point of view, even if you don't agree.
• Why it's important: Active listening reduces misunderstandings and helps build consensus. According to a study in The Journal of Applied Behavioral Science, active listening reduces conflict and increases cooperation by helping both parties feel heard and valued.

Show understanding

Showing understanding means taking the other person's feelings and point of view into account. It helps to build trust.

• What to do: when listening to the other person, try to identify their feelings and show that you understand their situation. You can do this, for example, by saying, "I understand that this situation has caused you a lot of distress."
• Why it's important: Showing understanding creates an atmosphere where both parties feel valued and understood. A study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that paying attention to others' feelings increases cooperation and reduces conflict escalation.

Stay calm and open

It is important to remain calm and open during the discussion, especially when the subject is emotional. This means controlling your emotions and being willing to listen to others' views without prejudice.

• What to do: focus on staying calm, even if the other party reacts strongly. Take a deep breath and keep in mind the main goal of the conversation - to find a common solution and understanding. If the situation becomes too emotional, suggest a break to allow both parties to calm down.
• Why it's important: A calm and open attitude prevents conflict from escalating and promotes positive interaction. According to the journal Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, a controlled and calm approach helps focus attention on problem solving and promotes constructive discussion.

Be prepared to apologise

If you find that you have acted in an offensive or incorrect way, it is important to be prepared to apologise. An apology shows that you recognise your mistake and appreciate the other party. It is important that the apology is sincere and clear, without explanations or excuses.

• What to do: apologise directly and clearly. For example: 'I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to offend you." Avoid explaining or attaching conditions or additions to your apology, such as "but I only meant..." A clear and direct apology is more effective and shows genuine regret.
• Why it's important: An apology can help you make things right and promote trust and understanding. A sincere apology can help ease tensions and open the door to constructive dialogue.

An atmosphere where both parties feel heard and valued promotes positive outcomes. Active listening, showing understanding and a calm attitude are simple ways to achieve this, but not easy to implement.

3. Finding solutions together

At the end of a difficult discussion, it is worth investing in finding solutions together. By working together to find solutions, the views and needs of both parties can be taken into account. This improves the atmosphere in the workplace and creates a basis for long-term cooperation.

Work together to find solutions

Working together to find solutions means that both parties are actively involved in solving the problem and are willing to compromise. 

• What to do: ask the other person for their thoughts and suggestions on how to resolve the situation. Give them space and listen carefully. Then put forward your own suggestions and discuss together which solution would be best for both of you. For example: 'What do you think if we tried this approach? Can we think together about what would work best for both of us?"
• Why it's important: Working together to find solutions increases mutual commitment and reduces resistance. According to a study in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, a participatory approach to finding solutions promotes job satisfaction and team effectiveness by ensuring that the views and needs of both parties are taken into account.

Be prepared to be flexible and make compromises

Flexibility and compromise are key to finding workable solutions together. This means that both sides are willing to make concessions to achieve a common goal.

• What to do: be open to the other side's suggestions and be prepared to be flexible if necessary. Discuss together which things are necessary and where flexibility is possible. For example, "I understand that this is important to you. Could we agree on an interim arrangement that would work for both of us?"
• Why it's important: Flexibility and compromise promote solution-oriented interaction and reduce the risk of conflict. Research in the International Journal of Conflict Management shows that flexibility and a willingness to compromise increase the success of conflict resolution by helping both parties feel that their needs are being met and that the solution is fair.

Confirm commonly agreed measures

Once you have agreed on a solution, it is important to confirm what has been agreed and how to proceed in practice. This will help both parties to commit to the agreed measures and ensure that everyone understands what happens next.

• What to do: briefly repeat what you have agreed and make sure you agree. You can also write down what you agreed and share it with the other party so that you can both refer to it later. For example, "So we agreed to have a weekly meeting to review the progress of the project and make changes to the plans if necessary."
• Why it's important: Establishing mutually agreed measures increases commitment on both sides and reduces ambiguity in the future. Research in Negotiation Journal shows that clearly agreed measures improve cooperation and reduce conflict by creating a clear roadmap that both parties can follow.

Finding solutions together requires cooperation, flexibility and clarity, and once a solution is found, you need to ensure that there is a common understanding.

4. Keep in touch and build trust

After the discussion, it is important to stay in touch and build trust. This will ensure that things are moving forward as desired and also avoid further tensions.

Keep in touch

Constant communication keeps the lines of communication open and builds trust. Agree to meet occasionally, even briefly, to talk about how things are going.

• What to do: arrange a coffee break or a small meeting where you can ask how the other person feels the situation has developed. You can also ask questions casually. This shows that you care and value their opinions.

Ask and give feedback

Giving and receiving feedback is important in building trust. Ask how the other person feels about the situation and share your own views. 

• What to do: for example, ask: "How have you experienced this change?" and listen carefully. Give feedback in a constructive way.

Be flexible

If things don't go as expected, be prepared to make changes. Flexibility shows that you are committed to working together.

• What to do: talk openly if something is not working and suggest new solutions if necessary. This will help both of you feel valued.

Communication, feedback and flexibility are key to building trust and maintaining good cooperation.

5. Frequently asked questions

Difficult discussions often involve many questions and concerns. In this section, I will go through the most common questions and give you some concrete tips.

What to do if the other party reacts negatively?

Negative reactions are possible when dealing with difficult topics. For example, the other party may become angry or withdraw. In such a situation, it is important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive.

• What to do: if the other party reacts negatively, maintain a calm and understanding attitude. Try to understand their feelings and ask open questions, such as "Can you tell me what's bothering you?" This shows that you are willing to listen and take their point of view into account.

What if the discussion does not lead to the desired result?

Not all discussions necessarily produce the desired outcome. If this happens, it is important to be prepared to continue the discussion and to look for new solutions.

• What to do: if the discussion does not lead to the desired result, don't be discouraged. You can suggest a second meeting at a later date to give both parties time to think things through. You can also consider bringing someone else, for example a colleague or HR representative, to the next meeting. For example, you could say: 'Let's think about this for a while and come back next week. If you feel comfortable, we can ask a colleague to help us discuss it."

How can I ensure that the discussion remains constructive and relevant?

It is important to ensure that the discussion remains constructive, even though emotions may run high. This is helped by focusing on the issue itself rather than on personalities.

• What to do: keep the conversation focused on the issue by using 'I' messages and concrete examples. Also ask open-ended questions that focus on the issue itself. If the conversation starts to go off track, you can also say so: "It seems to me that we are getting off track. What do you think?"

What to do if the other party keeps interrupting during a conversation?

Interruptions can be frustrating and make it difficult to get the message across. It is important to deal with this situation in a professional and constructive manner.

• What to do: if the other person keeps interrupting, you can ask them nicely but firmly to give you space to talk. You can also make a neutral observation of the situation. For example: 'I see that you have interrupted me three times. It would be important for me to finish my thoughts before you comment."

How to avoid getting personal in a difficult debate?

When discussions are about difficult topics, it's easy to get personal. It is important to focus on the issue at hand and not on blame.

• What to do: avoid "you" statements, which can come across as offensive, and use "I" messages instead. For example, "I'm feeling frustrated because I'm not getting enough support on this project," instead of "You'll never help me."

6. Summary: Towards consensus and cooperation

Difficult conversations in the workplace require skill and sensitivity, but they are necessary to build openness and trust. By focusing on listening, showing empathy and being constructive, you can foster understanding and find workable solutions.

Listen carefully

Listening is the most important part of difficult conversations. It shows that you value the other person's point of view and are willing to understand their feelings.

• What to do: be present and give the other person space to talk. Avoid interrupting and show that you are listening, for example by nodding or making a brief comment.

Show empathy

Showing empathy helps to build understanding and ease tensions. It shows that you value the other person's feelings.

• What to do: acknowledge the other person's feelings in a simple way. For example, "I understand that this has been a difficult situation for you." Avoid judgement and focus on the other person's point of view.

Focus on solutions

The aim of the debate is to find solutions. Focus on how you can move forward and improve the situation together.

• What to do: ask the other person for their suggestions and share yours. Work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Continue the dialogue

After the discussion, it is important to keep in touch and make sure things are moving forward. This helps to build trust.

• What to do: arrange a follow-up discussion and contact the other party. Together, assess how things are going and what you can do better.

Remember that every discussion is a step towards better understanding and cooperation. Be brave and keep developing - this is how you build a stronger and more trusting working community.